You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
