Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
