So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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