and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
