just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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