i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
