I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize