Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
