i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize