Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
