Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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