I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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