sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she told me i tasted like america
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
