I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize