Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
