Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
