did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize