i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
