I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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