I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize