You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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