woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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