Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
