her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
