4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
