So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
