Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
