Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize