he wants to bone in the snuggie
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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