I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
