I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
