on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
