great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
