After last night, I could never be a politician.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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