Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my liver is dry heaving
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
