watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just googled if crying burns calories
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
