I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
