someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
