from now on my penis is your penis
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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