Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
