As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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