Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
