i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
