she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
