capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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