I will die if light touches me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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