worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
