just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
