Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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