This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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