you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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