Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
