uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can't turn off my feet"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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