We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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