I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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