I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
