i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
