Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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