I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
