based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
