I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
COCAINE IS GR8
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
