I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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