New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize