Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
