Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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