its not stalking. its research.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
